Another Rock Star Reality TV Show?
Auditions begin today for the new Rock Star reality show. The Star is giving ideas on which band you might be auditioning for and tips on what to take into consideration;
“Queen: Shop for tightest pants you can possibly fit into, then buy pair two sizes smaller than that. The pain helps with hitting the high notes.”
“Van Halen: Work on yowling. Practise grins, leers and high kicks in the mirror. Vocal range nearly as high as Queen’s could be useful, but hint of gravel (or tequila damage) in voice is welcome. Look like you’re having more fun than anyone alive but accept that in the modern world, no job is permanent.”
“Camp Freddy: Show producers promise an all-star supergroup, and this low-profile L.A. project — featuring Rock Star host Dave Navarro and friends from Jane’s Addiction and the Cult — sort of fits the bill. Any vocal style could do with this amorphous jam band, but you’ll need a dark, jaded demeanour; try to project history of drug abuse. Tattoos help.”
“Tommy Lee: The hot rumour (tinyurl.com/krvj7 has details). See Camp Freddy for hints, but be more lighthearted. Prepare to play along with rock’s famed man-child; make sure singing does not obscure thumping of one of rock’s better drummers. Several topics off-limits; you know what they are.”
“Joy Division: Pasty-voiced Bernard Sumner has sung like he wants to fade back into the background ever since Ian Curtis’s 1980 suicide forced a recalibration into New Order, and gossip has it he and fellow survivors will be recording new material for an upcoming Curtis biopic. The stage could be set for anyone capable of lamenting the state of his life in a joyless baritone whilst rocking spastic-robot dance moves. Penchant for early self-destruction an asset. For a while.“
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